Warning: This story is sad and is based on a TRUE encounter experienced by someone: Name and gender will not be announced. It contains little thoughts of suicide/death and one close to suicide.
If you don’t like, please do not read.
(The someone's story in their Point Of View/P.O.V)
My first year at Primary School, I started at the age of 5. I felt excited at first but as I found myself at the school, I became nervous and scared. It was all too new and too sudden for me but worst of all, some of the kids I had recognised from my kindergarten. They were mean to me and now I go to the same school as them. As they walked pass I remember what happened throughout my time at kindergarten. When I was in the barrel swing, they would push it. One time, they were pushing it side to side and I had almost fallen out. If I did, to me, it seemed like I would have landed my head to the ground first. Another memory that swooped in was a cold and rainy day, we stayed inside to play. The other kids were playing in groups and I asked some of the kids if I could join in to but they said no. I then left and decided to entertain myself, which is quite easy to do if you are an only child but can be lonely with no one to talk to. While I was entertaining myself I could hear the other children talking, talking about me behind my back and saying mean things. I was also slow at finishing things but I had not realise that I was Dyslexia, I was taking my time because of it making me not understand things so quickly like the other children. I would be the last to finish no matter what, I was last and they had teased me for it.
I wanted to leave school and go home but my mum just kept saying that it was just a normal thing and that everything will be fine later on, I believed her.
WOW! Was my mum wrong, things went from bad to worse. I was teased every day and barely had any friends. There was a playground, so I just played there. Till one day some children start bullying me, saying that the playground was not for the younger kids like me. So what, it was a great challenge for me but I left anyway, I never liked arguing with anyone and is not worth the hassle. But they kept on bullying me, even when I was not at the playground. I just walked on by like I never heard them but they knew that I could. Every day was almost the same; I get bullied, be the last one to finish work and had to find my own fun. Once I get home, I would do something to get my mind off from the day, like watch TV. I just smiled and say that it was a great day to my parents but it was far from the truth.
I just started to shut everyone out, not letting them know the pain I receive. I feel safer that way, hiding in my room and cry myself to sleep. Not even my parents knew what was truly happening in my life. My Grandmother had passed away when I was about 4. Then my parents had split up and I thought that had happened because of me. I was about or just turned 6, for crying out loud. Can’t forget the moving schools and leave my friends behind, THANKS A LOT.
Now at the new school, jess it was as bad as my last one. New bullies to pick on me, had only two friends and same as always, would be the last to finish. When it was time to get picked up for home time, I would put on a smile and say everything was great. I was slowly losing it, instead of just crying myself to sleep, I would cry and think of ways of stopping the pain. I started to pretend that I was not feeling well but not too often, unfortunately I was caught out by mum and was sent to school or should I say ‘School of pain and unwanted.’ Was this meant to be my life? Living through each day like a nightmare, one that you could never wake up from? So much pain and sorrow throughout my life, one that no one even cared for, well through my opinion back then. One day it all went too far. I grabbed a knife, went into the bathroom and closed the door. I looked into the mirror that was in front of me, I could see someone starring back. This someone was sad because of their red eyes which still had some tears, trickling down their hot face from all the crying. I brought the cold knife in my hand, up to the left side of my chest where my aching heart lies, waiting to be put out of its pain. My breaths were heave just like my body, must be from all the pain inside me, I feel so week. My arms slowly drift down but I quickly bring them back up, trying to make the final blow of pain. Each time I’m about to, something or someone keeps stopping me. It’s telling me not to do this, telling me that there is something out there. What is it? What is there for me, apart from pain? I found the knife and my hands on the sink, what did this mean? I decided to just leave it, I put the knife way and went to my room to cry more. My life is so confusing, it just gives me a headache. I thought about other ways to end the pain and my life but I still was stopped by, whatever it was.
The past, now a memory I wish to forget. But all that bullying went on to Intermediate and College too. I might not have gotten bullied to my face but I could tell with everything around me even with my back turned, I was bullied. All of this made me become shy, scared and hard to talk to people because I might say something that could sound impolite. The bullying that happened to me in my past made me lose my confidence and trust to other people. My confidence and trust have slowly come back but still struggling and not just that, I also struggle with having food. From intermediate I had slowly lost the site of eating much, this led me to not having anything for lunch and continued into College, it only happened in school time but at home I do eat. I had slowly started to eat something in my last two years of College but not much. Here is a little bit about the Now part of my life, still have trouble with talking to someone, still trying to have a food routing and to eat healthy.
But the point of this story my friend wants out there, for you to know is that:
It is hard to deal with bullying and in the end, it is not worth taking your own life. I’m really sad for my friend and that life is not one to have had. My friend needed help but no one was there with the helping hand, leaving my friend to be walked all over as if they were not even there. People may be doing it just for fun or because they feel hurt and take it out on others but that is not how it should go. Finding someone to trust who is not part of your family, is not really that hard but for some it can, even if there was someone there in front of you right now. Everyone will find it hard somewhere in their life but the best part, is to not give up because there will be something there waiting for you, even when you less expect it. It has happened to many people, to my friend and will happen to those who will wait a little or a lot longer, it will come.
My friend was glad that they had waited, even though it was a lot longer, it was worth it.
(Saying made by CoolHaze)
When you less expect something, you will receive something and can be something amazing.